Summer 2021 from the side of the road somewhere
I write from the wild ire of humblest abodes, blue Suzuki gifted by pragmatic past, parked solemn wooded southern ditch. If only there were money for gas. All that’s left, blue tent, burnt skin, bug bites, life climbs kudzu vines, suffocating air, loud heat, weeks of rain, tent floods, now this. Solstice burns me every year. This one’s kundalini rage lonesome turmoil psychosis, physio-kundalini crooked spine.
Expectations of glory, teen prodigy genius music man handle washes up on littered shores, plastic ocean, crawls from gutter, mid-30’s singing, shit-eating grin or grimace indiscernible. Comedy or tragedy, fortune or misfortune, makes no difference anymore, Tao, hurry up, move along, die or change, do something different, seasons, self doesn’t care what happens to this person I’m currently occupying.
Selfish self-defining, lying, “spiritual communities,” I Am filled with vengeance crisscrossed states back and forth three times, Ojai, Santa Barbara, Santa Fe, Crestone, Isha TN, Krishnamurdi, Theosophy Society, Ashram, Christian thief-dens, Buddhist lies, Hindu monkeys’ materialist oxymoronic, apathetic, foolhardy half-hearted songs of satan, I hope you someday know my experience of you.
I drive to Isha afternoon weeks, make water offering Shiva, sit meditatively, body goes into convulsions, neck snaps back, magnet, cutting off air, head crushes invisible vice, why I cough and choke and all the oblivious meditators stare and I burst into sardonic laughter. You don’t know pain like I know pain. This is my corrupted body ravaged by energy 6 months, not a single person lifts a finger, huge facilities set up for “spiritual seekers,” hogwash, cuntshit, cockfuck. Guide a spiritual sufferer or don’t, you greedy hypocrite fucks, no different than any other corporate leach selling snake oil to snakes. I Am singular in my experience of kundalini. I didn’t ask for this, but it’s here to stay, and there’s no one on earth willing to help, so I’m done with humanity.
Covered head to toe in fresh, fettered bedbug and redbug wounds sparkly glistening sunburnt skin, ticks crawl across my forehead, and I laugh. My spirit animals eat out every orifice, suck my blood hardened thick death rue, God’s catering, served burnt sun fire roasted human flesh of melting summer. Mind reports ebbs, all negative, emotion says pain, body reports pain, energy kicks backward horse Hail Mary all ebbs, all pain, and I laugh. Everything burns. So let’s burn it all up. Samscara, karmic bondage burn. Everything burns. Burn burn burn burn burn.